Hay Family! It’s been a while since I’ve written a blog entry. It’s mostly due to the fact that my focus has shifted to other matters that’s taking up most of my attention. I’ve been doing a lot of writing and studying for this new journey our God has me on. While being on this journey, he also has me in a place where I’m constantly encountering and mentoring people who are confused about their faith and those who have left their faith altogether. So sad. So I’ve been having to ask God to unceasingly give me the wisdom I need for me to deliver his Word with love, truth and clarity. On top of all of this, I see my family as a whole (and individually), shifting into new seasons. It’s a place I’ve never been so I’m definitely occupied.
In the midst of all of this, I’ve noticed myself slipping into this vulnerable state where I’m battling with insecurities, self-consciousness, discouragement and even physically fatigue at times. It’s been very frustrating for me.
Since feeling like this, I’ve been holding on (a little tighter than normal) to a weekly women’s bible study life group I’m a part of and I must tell you that every time I go there, I’m renewed with so much strength from these beautiful women I’m surrounded by. All I can say is that I’m truly grateful for this life group because whenever I attend I get just what I’ve been needing. Like this past Wednesday, I went to the life group pretty heart-heavy and perplexed but couldn’t quite pinpoint some of my issues… or the answers to them. Have you ever been in this position? Well, while in our study, I received the answer to every single thing that was weighing heavy on me and it was wrapped in a beautiful little gift from Nancy, a gentle sister in the Lord who said,
“You need to take time to let God love you. He’s longing for your presence and to shower His love on you, after all, He paid a High price for it!”
There it was, the solution my soul was thirsty for!
During my personal devotion time, I study, pray and recite but I haven’t been feeling any of it but only seeming like routine. I haven’t been believing it either. Because of this, I’ve been leaving out of God’s Presence the same way I came in; insecure, defeated, discouraged, and self-conscious. When Ms. Nancy made that comment it was as if my parched soul found a lush spring. Afterwards, I went home and I just cried because I realized that there were areas in my life where I haven’t let Him love me and that He has paid a costly price just to have a sincere relationship with me. This was an overwhelming reminder for me.
Lately, I’ve been praying for God to let me be used for others and He has but I forgot my personal need for him. I need him for myself too. I need his love too.
Sometimes we get so caught up in being givers of God’s love that we forget how to be receivers of God’s love. I’ve been needing his love you guys! And I needed to let him love on me. This season of my life has not changed. In fact it’s just begun. However, I now have the answer to everything I will encounter in this season and yet another mission to acquire; learning how to let Him love me.
Stay in His Peace,